I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In America we eat man semen.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize