Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
