I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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