party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
