everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
