i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
