i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
