please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she told me i tasted like america
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
