That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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