I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
