Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
