At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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