hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
