just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
