She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
