I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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