I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
