Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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