just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
