I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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