Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's never too late to be topless.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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