I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
