Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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