Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
