My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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