In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
