Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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