You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
