well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
