just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
