i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
