I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
