I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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