dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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