She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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