seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
