They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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