I wish i was in the wii world.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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