Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
