Apparently you make a good broom.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
