So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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