My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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