Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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