He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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