This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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