life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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