You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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