im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
