My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
