2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
