You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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