tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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