At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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