Just fell off a train. Bad.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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