just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
