Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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