I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
