Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
