YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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