Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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