Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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