We named our party play list daddy issues
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
