Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize