Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
