somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
