Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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