I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
