I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
