M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
