Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
