Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
