I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
