apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
