Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
