I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had sex on a roof
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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