New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
