just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
