I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize