apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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