last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
