Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
