I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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