haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He keeps bees of course he's weird
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
