are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
