But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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