I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
