I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
