Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
