Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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