I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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