i already hear my dad disowning me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
