I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
