I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize