Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
