I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
