Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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