my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
