He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You've changed since you got that strap on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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