I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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