I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
