At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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