we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
