he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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